What does Transgender even mean? GLAD YOU ASKED

"Are you a boy or a girl?" Little kids love to ask me this question. I usually reply with, "I feel a little like both, what about you?" If I asked a grown-up that question it turns into a lot of WHAT DO YOU MEAN but the little kids? They just tell me, "I feel like a boy!" And I reply, "That's so cool!" And off we go.

Grown-ups are really good at making things more confusing than they need to be.

Talking about gender can be complicated and confusing. There's a lot of new language. And some of it challenges the comfortable norms. Grown-ups don't love to be challenged.

I don't think it needs to be so hard, though.

Gender presentation is how a person dresses, acts, and behaves. Gender presentation often determines how you are perceived or read by those around you.

It's cultural and set up by social norms.

Social norms are imperfect. They set some guidelines, but there is lots of room at the edges where things get blurry. And within groups, we have different norms. Gender presentation is no different.

For many, masculine and feminine fit just right. For many, male and female fit just right.

And for some, it's a little blurry.

Some feel better in the middle or back and forth or at the edges of those norms. And for some of those, it's just presentation-- the way a person dresses or behaves. We're all familiar with this. Think about what you already know. Think about the term "tomboy" or that little boy in your kid's class who wears the glittery sneakers. Sure, anyone can wear anything they want. Any little kid can play with whatever they want. Clothes are clothes and toys are toys, but still, whether we like it or not, there are norms. And those who challenge those norms consistently can be considered gender nonconforming.

Gender nonconforming people can identify fully with the sex they were assigned at birth. They can be straight! They can be queer! They can use terms like butch and femme and masculine of center. They can be anything they want, really. You don't have to understand all the language to see these folks. To accept them and love them.

And some of us don't identify with the "It's a girl!" (or boy) they announced at our miraculous first moments.

We don't line up. We don't match.

I like to think we're bigger than that. Maybe our miracle was just starting to unfold.

Transgender folks can be gender nonconforming, living in the middle or the edges of what is expected, using they/them pronouns instead of he or she. And transgender folks can be gender conforming, using the pronouns, clothes, and behavior of the gender they identify fully with.

Transgender simply means a person whose gender identity and gender expression doesn't correspond to the sex assigned at birth.

Everyone has pronouns. Everyone has a gender presentation. And all of us have explored our own identities within and even sometimes at the edges of social norms.

Trans people are just asking for a little more room. Some want some room on the opposite side. Some, like me, need some room in the middle. Room to say, "Hey, no problem or anything, but it looks like you got this assignment a little wrong at first. Let's just make a few adjustments, okay?"

We want you to try to see us the way we tell you we are.

Sometimes that requires that you set aside what you think you see. It might challenge your norms a bit too.

Trans people can't be erased. We've always been here.

We are in your churches and schools and stores and at your table. Welcome us. Love us. We're really wonderful, I promise.